Thoughts This Morning

It feels as though the Lord has withdrawn His presence ever so slightly this morning. I started feeling it last night right before bed. i recognized it by the lessened affect of the pacification of my flesh. His presence pacifies and silences the flesh from top to bottom and inside-out. I know he does not wish to be far from me. I know he is good and perfect. I know he would only do this to bring something to my attention so that it would be recognized named and removed so he would return and we could have an even greater level of union together. He draws me at all times with chords of love. He guides me with His eye. At this distance from him i feel more exposed to waves of desire and emotion. I will not act on them. When a perverse, unholy, or ungodly desire pops into my head I immediately and quickly turn my minds face away from it like a child turning away from a jump-scare on Halloween. since the lord is right there I also jump into his strong capable arms or i imagine grabbing onto his strong leg or tightly grasping and hiding in his robe. If i have indulged or responded to that wicked desire or thought in any way even in a slight way for even a moment I see it as mud on my face and as i hide my face from that evil thing and cling to my lord i look up at him with that dirt on my face and he looks down and smiles and wipes my face clean and its not an issue at all and this process repeats as many times as it needs to in a day. sometimes only 10 times sometimes 1,000 times and one time after another. saints in the orthodox church have called the devil the great pest. he does all he can. he is just buying time. that's all he can do. The lord has brought me so far from the place i was in which is getting all muddy all over my body from indulging in passions desires and thoughts not of him. Thank you Jesus. Thank you also for a sensitivity to these desires. That Through your wisdom I am able to know right away if it is a thought that will affect our relationship negatively. I want everything that affects our relationship negatively to be completely abandoned and destroyed. irradicated and removed from my life on every level. In the same vein i want everything that promotes our relationship to be magnified and improved and elevated. Thank you also for a sensitivity to proximity to you. What a profound blessing. The 7th sense. the 6th God given sense being sensitivity to the purity of desires. 

...Truthfully though I do not know with certainty the reason for his apparent withdrawal. It could be what I'm guessing and nothing more or it could be what i mentioned and also so much more or it could be not even what i was thinking. I give up my understanding of this moment to him. I say to him now "Lord, be completely yourself. Do whatever you want and whatever makes you happy. I say this out of love not spite or resentment. I say this with The type of relational love that loves a person for themself and all of their peculiarities and quirks. The things that make you different from me that I don't always understand. I appreciate them and love you all the more for them because they are a part of you and I love you. I don't even realize it nor have i fully comprehended it but I would not love you as much as I do if you were not fully yourself including those peculiarities and quirks. I have no expectations of you that i should be disappointed and my perception of you is not so fixed that you could negatively surprise me. I love you and I trust you fully. You give me all i need at all times. I gladly and joyfully accept the measure of you that I get to experience this day. Thank you for life. Thank you for you. Thank you for us. I love us. life with you is better than life with anyone or anywhere else on heaven or on earth for all of time." 

J.A.W.